I know it's a subject not many people want to talk about because there is a fear of being judged. Even though you know it was the right decision for YOU at the time.
When I was 27 I had to make the choice to have a baby or to have an abortion. I remember being so scared, there was no way I was ready to be a mum. My life in turmoil, I could not have his child.
He was definitely not ready to be a dad, we had only know each other 6 weeks. I know he felt a deep sense of relief when I made the decision to have an abortion, even with his catholic background.
I remember feeling so scared and alone. Also extremely frustrated for getting myself in this position in the first place. After all I was old enough to know how babies are made!
After the procedure I became very depressed and felt even more alone. I could not stop the negative chatter in my head, the sadness, guilt, shame, anger, doubt and regret. I think these emotions were heightened because I was adopted. My birth mum didn't terminate, and yes she gave me life, but she didn't keep me. Adoption wasn't even an option for me, there was no way I was going to put a child through what I had experienced. As much as I was loved by my adopted parents.
All I wanted to do was to switch off the negative thoughts but i didn't know how. I remember this one day very clearly, my mind shifted to thoughts of I can't do this anymore, I felt suicidal. Thankfully after many calls someone answered. I didn't want to die i just wanted the thoughts to stop.
I didn't have any of the tools or strategies to draw on like I do now. Instead I turned to drugs and alcohol as a way of pushing those feelings back down as they were too horrible to feel. When I was at my lowest someone recommended I see a Kinesiologist as I couldn't stop crying and my moods were so up and down. I have never heard of it however I was open trying anything as I wasn't coping.
After regular sessions I could see some light. I could feel my energy shifting. The experience didn't go away, however the way if felt towards it was different.
Years later when I was 36 I started to have maternal feelings and desired a baby. The feelings of guilt came back and I would be punished for what I did. I thought I had already worked through it, however there were more layers. Again I reached out for help. I didn't want this past experience to punish me for the rest of my life. With regular support and repetition of daily running kinesiology sessions on myself I learned I was able to support myself.
Thanks to Kinesiology i now have two beautiful children under 7. I am at peace with my decision to terminate. It was definitely the right decision for me. Daily I practise acts of self love, always asking myself what would someone who loved them self do when making choices in life.
I am very passionate about supporting women who have experienced terminations and pregnancy loss to feel whole again. If you lose a child it is ok to talk about it. You are met with love and compassion. Women who have experienced abortions need to feel this same love and to feel safe, and get the support they need.
The decision to have an abortion is never easy and is often made at great times of stress. No-one can make the decision for you. I know there are many reasons why people choose to terminate. I am here to hold you in a gentle, loving and non-judgmental space.
Maybe you are pregnant and you having to make this choice right now or maybe you are now ready to be a mother, but consumed by thoughts you will be punished, rather than focusing on what you do desire which is a child. I know only too well how obsessive these thoughts can be.
If you are struggling and don't know even how to start to love yourself. I would like to open a conversation with you. Your termination might have been recently or from many years ago. I know women who have carried the burden for over 20 years.
My role as a practitioner is to guide you with my knowledge and expertise so you can heal yourself.
In sessions you will learn tools and strategies that will aid you in discovering your true potential,
so you can focus on living the life you desire.
Transform your pain into power, your fear into courage and your stress into growth. Feel empowered and in control of your own journey.
With infinite love and gratitude
Debbie xx
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